Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
