I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
