Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
