You can't special order awesome
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
