I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
sex in a hospital.. check
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
