Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
