UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
