Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
