I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
