i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All the doctor said was why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
