She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
