the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
