I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
