i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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