Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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