ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize