Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
