I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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