I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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