so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
