beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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