if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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