Got a toothbrush?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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