Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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