mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
