I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's never too late to be topless.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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