It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
