third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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