My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
