I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
