how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
