what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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Houston, we have a squirter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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