I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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