an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
