Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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