I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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