I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
