I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
