So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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