My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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