Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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