One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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