Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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