The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
