My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
