I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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