I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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