And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
