His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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