accomplished twins. life is a go
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
