apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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