My nipple is on Facebook.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
