I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize