you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
