She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
