I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
