Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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