My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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