if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
