The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
