Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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