Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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