As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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