He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
